That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
