I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
