My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
