what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
