They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
