So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
