I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
