Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
