I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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