I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
