How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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