I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
