I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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