I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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