Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
