Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
