So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
