In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Congratulations! We have a period
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