Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
