I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
