AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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