i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This baby is an asshole
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
