I cannot find my penis.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
not ubering you a puppy
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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