Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
