how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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