There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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