wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
