she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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