She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
