i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
