Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize