I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
