Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
