He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
