True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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