I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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