there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
