my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
