I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
