half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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