yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
