you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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