Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
