But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
