I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
