i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
