dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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