Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
