Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
