She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
