Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
