DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He shit in the fireplace
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
