Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
