Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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