note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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