My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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