My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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