I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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