6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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