i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
