Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
