I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
