so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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