This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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