this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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