In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
