Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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