So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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