I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
