First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
