FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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