i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
