I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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