My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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