I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
