I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
