Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
